Desert Developments Done Cheap

accompaniment

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of construction
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a billboard sign
My greed grew heavy, and my mind grew dim
I had to stop for a time

There she stood in the doorway
I missed the tolling bell
But I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up the entrance
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Condo California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Condo California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here

My mind is Tiffany twisted
I’ve got the Mercedes bends
I’ve got lots of mortgage broker types
That I call friends
How they dance in their adverts
‘Bout the deals you can get
None dance to remember
All dance to forget
So I called up the brokers
Please get me my line
They said
We haven’t had this interest rate since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Condo California
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
Such a lovely face
I’m livin’ it up at the Condo California
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
I have closed my eyes…

Roaches on the ceiling
Ripple wine on ice
And I said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the blogger’s chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to get a refi back to the place I was before
Relax said the banker
We are programed to recieve
You can cash out any time you like
But you can never leave...

Mortgage Equity Withdrawal was Hot Hot Hot!

accompaniment

I push my LTV…
I push my LTV…

Now look at them flippers that’s the way you do it
You push the limits on the LTV
This ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your digs for free
Now this ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get a knock against your sterling FICO
Maybe get them sayin’ that you’re scum

We gotta buy italianate granite
Custom kitchen stupidities
We gotta own chrome refrigerators
We gotta have those plasma TV’s

See the little flipper with the Hummer and the ski boat
Yeah buddy, he owns all that stuff
That little flipper got his own McMansion
That little flipper he’s a millionaire :-)

We gotta buy italianate granite
Custom kitchen stupidities
We gotta own chrome refrigerators
We gotta have those plasma TV’s

I shoulda learned to bid past market
I shoulda learned to beat them comps
Look at that mama, she got it stickin’ in the camera
Man we could have some
And she’s up there, what’s that? Usin’ sex to sell?
Playin’ on the suckers like a wild banshee
This ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Get your money for nothin’ get your digs for free

We gotta buy italianate granite
Custom kitchen stupidities
We gotta own chrome refrigerators
We gotta have those plasma TV’s

Look a’ here
This ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
You push the limits on your LTV
This ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your digs for free
Money for nothin’ and digs for free

Money for nothin’ and your digs for free
~
Look at that, look at that
~
Money for nothin’ and your digs for free
I push my, I push my, I push my LTV
Money for nothin’ and digss for free

(Fade)
I push my, I push my, I push my LTV

---

Open Houses Not Going Well

accompaniment - or -
video

No buyers on the road
No buyers on the beach
I feel it in the air
The price is out of reach
Open house,
Empty streets
The Realtor sits alone
Im drivin' by your house
Though I'm sure - no one's home

But I can see you-
Your sale signs shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your
Sign spinners on, baby
And I can tell you my need for you Will not be strong -
after the prices of summer have gone

I never will forget those heights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how the price was crazy?
Remember how it made me scream?
Now you don't understand what's happened
To your sales,
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'll be watchin' as the market fails...

I can see you-
Your sale signs shinin' in the sun
I see you talkin' real slow and you're smilin at everyone
I can tell you my need for you will not be strong
After the prices of summer have gone

Out on the road today I saw a Realtor sittin' on a stucco shack
A little voice inside my head said,
"Dont look back. you should never look back."
You thought you knew what homes cost,
What did you know?
Those days are gone forever
You should just let them go but-

I can see you-
Your sale signs shinin in the sun
You got that price pulled down and
that push-up bra on baby
And I can tell you my need for you's completely gone
Now that the prices of summer have gone

I can see you-
Your crab grass dying in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and
That smarmy smile on, baby
I can tell you my need for you's completely gone
Now that the prices of summer have gone

Ode to Shady Loan Borkers

video

I make my living off the buyer's blues
Just loan them money, they'll pay their dues
People don't know what they lose, they love dirty money

Well, I could've been a Realtor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, and I try not to sneer
Let me whisper in your ear, take my dirty money

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em all around

We got the bubbleheaded blog-bears, with all their jive
They can tell you about the price crash with a gleam in their eyes
It's interesting when buyers lie, take my dirty money

Can we film the prosecution? Is the well dry yet?
You know the boys in the backroom got a running bet
Tell the sucker not to sweat, take my dirty money

You don't really need to find out what's going on
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone, take my dirty money

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
Love to cut you down to size, we love dirty money

We can do the innuendo, we can dance and sing
When it's said and done, we haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king, take my dirty money

A Lowball Offer...

video

I don't wanna understand this horror
there's a weight on your price I won't commit
everybody ends up here in shambles
but the name tags are the last thing you wanted
as the world explodes you fall out of it
and you can't let go because this
will not go away.....
there's a house priced out in space

and I can see the thief that lives inside of your head
but I can get some schadenfreude as you're slowly bled
and you don't know what's happening and you can't pretend
but I can play ball, play ball

Someone help us understand who ordered
this disgusting arrangement - time and the end
I don't wanna hear who walked on water
cause the hallways are empty, clocks tick
as the world implodes we fall in to it
and we cant go home because this
will not go away.....
there's a house priced out in space

and I can see that thief that lives inside your head
but I can get some schadenfreude as you're slowly bled
and you don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
it's a long, long get away, it's a long, long get away
make it home again, make it home again
it's a long, long get away, it's a long, long get away

I can see that thief that lives inside your head
and I can get some schadenfreude as you're slowly bled
you don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
but I can play ball, play ball I'm here
but I can play ball, play ball I'm here
it's a long, long get away

One for the Subprime Lenders

video

Rampage - had a race for the house line
Spent my cash on every toy I could find
Spent time in every zip in L.A.
Sharking loans, I don't care what the feds say

We're loan pimps on coke
Pumping deals from the boiler room
Lock you in when you hand me the rope
Must re up, though I know you've no need
Loan pimps on coke
Loan pimps on coke

Other dudes are buying in the ghetto
But you won't, cuz I'm selling you a jumbo

We're loan pimps on coke
Fan & Fred moved to Anaheim
Toss the keys when you run out of rope
You can't clean up, though you know you should
Loan pimps on coke
Loan pimps on coke

I go crazy 'cause my take's so filthy rich
Have to score when I get that sweet loan shark itch
Sounds real classy, living in a chateau
So levered, all the other marks will never know

We're loan pimps on coke
Fan & Fred buy from Countrywide
Lock you in when you hand me the rope
Can't come clean, though I know I should
Loan pimps on coke
Loan pimps on coke

It's All Good in California...

accompaniment

All the eaves are brown
(All the eaves are brown)
And the walls are beige
(And the walls are beige)
I've been for a walk
(I've been for a walk)
Down the flipper's way
(Down the flipper's way)

I am broke and poor now
(broke and poor)
Since I bought in L.A.
(Still avoiding B.K.)
California steaming
(California steaming)
On down the flipper's way

Saw an Open House
I passed along the way
Well, I asked about the sales
(Asked about the sales)
And how's the HOA?
(How's the HOA)
You know the Builder, he was was cold
(Builder he was cold)
He knows I'm forced to stay
(Knows I'm forced to stay)
California screaming
(California screaming)
On down the flipper's way

All the eaves are brown
(the eaves are brown)
And the walls are beige
(And the walls are beige)
Ive been for a walk
(I've been for a walk)
Down the flipper's way
(Down the flipper's way)

If I had a buyer
(had a buyer)
I could leave today
(I could leave today)
California screaming
(California screaming)
On down the flipper's way
I got a California reaming
On down the flipper's way
California reaming
On down the flipper's way

Ode to a FSBO

accompaniment

Sitting on a FSBO –
Watches passing cars with time to blow.
Sweat running down his nose –
Graspy fingers — dirty windows.
Grass dying in the cold sun –
Watching as the worried buyers run.
Feeling like a dead duck –
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

~~~

Sun streaking cold –
a seller waiting lonely.
Biding time
the only way he knows.

Price dropping fast,
as he bends to pick some crab-grass –
he goes down to the curb
and scans for cars.

Feeling alone –
the Builder’s up the road
With freebies a la mode and
a cup of tea.

Aqualung my friend –
don’t you start away uneasy
you poor old sot, you see,
it’s only me.

~~~

Do you still remember
the Springtime’s selling freeze –
when the gloom that fell
on to the comps
was screaming agony.

And you clutch your bloated last comps
with sobbing flipper sounds,
and the sale signs bloom like
madness in the spring.